Tonight I’m thinking, too much possible.
Im fighting with different parts of me eternally. It’s crazy how we all think we know ourselves, but as we grow we find all these different parts of us, how there is not just one simple way we are, its a constant battle. I know my morals, but my battles are unpredictable. I never know what way I want to go with myself. I think too much about what others think… what has high school done to me? Im constantly going back and forth between what I want to do with myself.
I find myself wanting to prove everyone wrong about all the rumors going around about me, but in what logical manner can I do that? The other part of me goes, fuck why not actually give them something to talk about and have fun, Im graduated! But no.. I cant seam to do either.. Im stuck, In a place of mediocre silence. I dont go to grad parties.. because I feel hated and talked about by all. I fake my smiles, my laughs, and find myself eating, constantly, for no reason, but to cover up this mess of pain.
I also find myself laying in bed at night, searching for that rightful touch, knowing, I wont find it, ever again. Why, after all this time, do I still feel the need for your presence. I miss your laugh, and the deep understanding we once had on each other. I miss it all, you included, or the “old you.”
I mainly just cant fingure out what I want..
……mumble jumble rant that nobody will get.
